In memory of my beautiful mother

who passed away five years ago today.It seems like yesterday and forever ago in the same instance.

I miss her hugs. Feeling her soft skin and the sweet smell of her perfume.

I think of her almost daily. Wondering how she was able to raise nine children,

as I struggle to take care of my five boys.

I miss the way our family used to be.

She was the glue that made us stick together.

She was a pillar of strength to the very end,

giving us a pep talk days before she passed away.

I wrote a poem a couple days after she died. I usually don't share my writing,

but it is so applicable today.

A Mother’s Words
Please don’t cry she would say,
I am in a peaceful place to stay.
Today I feel no more pain,
Only my mansion to obtain.
Friends and loved ones came for me,
So much love and joy has set me free.
I will be there to watch over you,
To help my children, grandchildren old and new.
My presence you will feel in your mind and heart,
During those special times to come, I will be a part.
Remember my example and the things that I taught,
Will bring you closer to me in thought.
So when it is answers that you seek,
Pray to hear the whisperings quiet and meek.
You must build your families strong and true,
For it will be the greatest accomplishment you do.
I will be waiting to greet you here,
My love, my child, my little dear.

I miss you Mom!

I love you!

This is my sweet angel, Ty Gabriel Sampson. He was born on April 27, 2009. He was 7 pounds and nine ounces and 21" long.

The rollercoaster ride that I have been on for the past nine months finally ended on April 27 with the arrival of our son, Ty Gabriel. See the last post for how the ride began. This pregnancy was anything but normal for me. At my first ultrasound my doctor changed my due date from May 5 to May 22. No pregnant woman ever takes that news very well, but there is no arguing because doctors know best, right? Instead of being sick for the usual 4 months, it didn't subside until month six. That really sucked! My heart goes out to all those that are sick their entire pregnancy, time passes so slowly. The tired, I can't get up off the couch feeling lasted until a couple weeks before I gave birth. I am just thankful for a husband who is obsessive about a clean house and is willing to do it himself, with a smile! That is the craziest part about this pregnancy, is that Sean and I have never gotten along better, even though this was by far my hardest one. We have had some big changes in our world during this time period. We moved to Lindon in November and Sean took a job with a company called Qualtrics in January. After trying to weather the economic gloom in the construction world, we decided to partner up with another company who handles the day-to-day, so Sean could take this job. Both changes were scary, but have turned out to be better than we could have imagined. We love our house, we love our ward, and we love having a paycheck. At week 28 my contractions started and my cervix began to change. So my doctor put me on partial bed rest. Yeah right, is the thought that went through my head. Four other crazy boys to take care of and you think I will be able to lay down. And no more gym, whatever! That is a death sentence to me. The people who deserve huge accolades are the amazing, wonderful, and tireless ladies in my ward. They brought in meals several days a week and helped to watch my boys a couple days a week. Without their help, me or my family would never have survived. My last two boys were born 3 weeks early and 6 pounds 1 ounce. They were sick all the time, spit up endlessly, and were extremely colicky. So my goal was to get to week 38, hoping for a bigger baby that would be happier and healthy. At week 34 I didn't know how I was going to last any longer. My husband told me that he was going to buy me an eye patch and started calling me Jack Sparrow, because I limped around like a peg-legged pirate. Sleeping was non-existent due to contractions. Food lost its savor. Life was as miserable as it possibly could be. With every pregnancy I would go to the hospital at least two times before they would admit me to have the baby. So this time I was going to wait until I knew they would keep me. Finally, Sunday April 26 my contractions started getting harder. After being up all night with contractions, at 5 am I told Sean we were going to the hospital. I called Steve (Austin's Dad) and told him that we were going to the hospital. He and Austin came over and we left. I had been dilated to a three for a couple of weeks and I have never gotten past a three without pitocen before. When I got to the hospital I was at a three and a half. After contracting every two minutes for an hour, I actually got to a four and a half on my own. They told me that they were going to admit me. Both Sean and I were flabbergasted. They asked if I wanted my epidural, I said duh, of course! The anesthesiologist came in and gave me my drugs. Right after he was done, I started to feel really dizzy and my blood pressure dropped and freaked out the doctor, nurse, and Sean. They gave me epinephrine and then my heart and the babies heart started pumping like crazy. After that everything calmed down for a while, so much so that my contractions went down to practically nothing. They did not give me pitocen after the epidural. Come to find out that they had two emergency c-sections and two scheduled c-sections over the next few hours and they were trying to put me off. We waited, and waited, and waited and I did not progress very much at all. At this point they decide to hook me up to some pitocen but very little. They kept increasing the amount and at this point the epidural had worn off. The nurse comes in to check and the pump is not even on. So she gets the anesthesiologist and he gives me another shot through the IV and tells me to press the button every twenty minutes. This is when labor really kicked in. The epidural was slowly waring off so I sent for the anesthesiologist again. I didn't hear back from anyone for a while. I thought I was going to die. I sent Sean to go get the nurse because I felt like pushing. The nurse and doctor came in and checked me and I was dilated to a 10. Then the bad news came. The anesthesiologist was in one of those darn c-sections and could not come to fix it. So I got to deliver sweet baby Ty with no drugs. This brought me back to Austin's delivery. 3 hours of pushing with no drugs either. How did I survive that? So I was pushing and pushing and then the doctor says stop pushing. He sounded quite freaked out. No one told me what was going on. Then he told me to push again and the baby came out. The doctor was trying to get him to breathe, but he would not take a breath. At this point the room became really crowed with four more nurses running into the room. I was told later that when his head came out the cord was wrapped around his neck twice and he was completely blue. Sean was very freaked out. They finally got him breathing after a couple of minutes. Those were a really long couple of minutes. They took him up to the nursery and checked his blood sugar. It was at 30, which is really low. It should be in the 80's. He was so lethargic that he would not drink from a bottle. So they put in an IV and gave him sugar water intravenously. They put him in the NICU (newborn intensive care). That sucked because I could not take him to my room. I could only have limited visitors to see the baby. We finally got him nursing that night and he went into the regular nursery the next night. The other babies in the NICU were so tiny and some were not doing well at all. One was life flighted to Primary Children's Hospital because he got pneumonia. I was so glad that my baby was doing well. It breaks your heart to see little babies hooked up to all these crazy monitors and tubes going in and out of their tiny arms, hands, and feet. Since we have been home from the hospital everything has been wonderful. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father sent me such a sweet baby. The boys are having so much fun dotting over him. Jack has even come around. We only had four days of crazy screaming and crying. Now he gives him kisses on the head and tries to help put his binky back in his mouth. So after taking Ty to his pediatrician he tells me that he was definitely full term. Of course Moms always know!

TY GABRIEL SAMPSON

ARRIVED ON APRIL 27, 2009

HE WEIGHED 7 LBS. 9 OZ. AND WAS 21" LONG

HE IS THE SWEETEST BABY!

I WILL POST THE CRAZY DETAILS OF HIS BIRTH WHEN I GET TIME.

I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THIS SWEET LITTLE BOY!
HE HAS BROUGHT A SPECIAL SPIRIT INTO OUR HOME.

HOLY @&$# ! .....WHAT ARE THE ODDS?

.15% - Less than 1%

This is the statistic that Sean and I found ourselves in this week.

So for the past 3-4 weeks I have felt fat and tired and I have kept joking around with Sean that I felt pregnant. We both laugh and say, "Oh that is impossible!" Finally on Sunday I decided to check the calendar. I kept counting and counting and my heart started pounding. I got to 49 days I started into a panic attack. I proceed to tell Sean how late I am, and he gave me the usual you are not pregnant. I told him that he is going to need to take me to the mental hospital and admit me for the next year, if I am pregnant. He said go to Walmart and get a test, so we can both sleep tonight. I get back and take the test. I had barely put the cap on the end before the plus sign was showing up. I could feel the blood rising up my chest to my face. The flushing had begun. (This is something that all Shepherd sisters do when they are mad or upset.) I walk into the family and chuck the test at Sean. A bewildered look and disbelief came across his face. I don't believe it, I am going to get another test. 5 minutes later he is back with two more tests. I go in and take the second test and the same result is repeated. I check the expiration date, nope 2010. Could I have taken something that would give a false positive? How could this be? Sean had, had a vasectomy over a year ago. We were free from swimmers! Then the fun began. Sean started to freak out. How could this happen? I could tell he wanted to ask me the question.... The question that would be fighting words... He said to me, "What are you going to do when my test comes back negative for swimmers?" My (edited) response was, "What will that change for me, I will still be pregnant?" That is when the crying began. He is always scared when I cry because it never happens. It was dead silent for the rest of the evening. The next day Sean took his sample to the doctor's office. Dr. Platt called him the early the next morning. He said congratulations you are my third patient in more than 3000 procedures to get pregnant. So I guess that fits the statistic. He said that he thinks that a stitch has come undone. Because in a field under a microscope there are usually hundreds of swimmers, Sean had 2-3 swimmers. He is still in the sterile category and a normal couple would never get pregnant. I guess the operative word is normal.

Please make a note that this was Sean's second vasectomy. After we had Porter he had his first vasectomy done (2001) . We decided that Porter needed more siblings because he was always so traumatized when all the other kids would go to the other parents house. Then the reversal was done in 2004. I got pregnant with Cole 9 days after the surgery. I got pregnant with Jack the first time we didn't use birth control. Porter was my IUD baby. The only form of birth control that I was confident in was the vasectomy. I used to joke that the vasectomy was the last form of birth control that the Shepherd sisters had not disproved. Well I think that we have covered them all.

The next topic on this matter is regarding whether this will be a girl or a boy. Let me explain my point of view. I have come to love the idea that I have all boys. While it would be wonderful to have a girl, my expectations are low that, that will occur. So I would be just as happy with either. So if I find out that I am having another boy, please do not feel bad for me!

When anyone asked me if we were going to have any more children I would emphatically say, "Nope we are done!" with a big smile on my face. So you can understand how hard this situation is for me. Morning sickness, exhaustion, getting fat, feeling like crap, endless contractions, not sleeping, ugly dark roots, labor, delivery, post partum depression, nursing, colic, losing weight, losing my hair, three car seats, on and on and on. That said, there is obviously a huge reason why this is happening. I am sure that one day I will be glad that all this happened. I am not there yet.

One day at a time.....

So you want to date my daughter .....

Alix thought he was joking all these years....

Sean has been threatening to be cleaning his guns when her dates come to pick her up.

They were good sports. We thought it would be funny!

I think all high school dates should begin with Dad and a shot gun.

Mountain View Homecoming 2008

Aupiu Abbott is in our ward. He asked Alix to his Homecoming.

SO CUTE!!

Tender Daddy Moment

The corsage and boutonniere ritual...

What beautiful girls!!

Aupui & Alix set up Katie (Alix's friend)

with Michael Benson (Aupui's friend)
They all had a good time.

WHAT MAKES MJ HAPPY?

I was passing by this bedroom window when I saw this going on outside. This made me think of Elder Ballard's talk last conference. In reference to being a mother "happiness and satisfaction happens in moments." My boys happily working together. This was one of my moments. A moment when you think that it is all worth it!

UNEXPECTED LIFE EXPERIENCE FOR MJ

It all started with a little piece of mail. The letter began with you have been selected for jury duty. Those words would reek havoc in my world over the next few days. The usual thoughts go through your head, I don't have time for this right now, what can i say or do to get out of this? In the letter it said that you have a 1 in 4 chance of being selected for the jury. Monday I show up at the courthouse with a drink, egg mcmuffin, iPod, laptop, and a bag full of work. After watching this lame video about how it our duty to serve as jurors, we had to stand up in front of the other 35 people and tell about ourselves. What we do for a living, how many kids we have, what we like to read, watch, and do? After that we were taken and individually interviewed by both attorneys the judge and the defendant. Then we waited and waited some more. Then they all came back into the courtroom and read off a list of 8 names. I sat there in disbelief as my name was read. What are the odds? Oh yeah 25%! That sucks! They immediately began the trial and all the fun began. We were told that this was a criminal trial for the sexual abuse of a child. From the moment I walked into the courtroom, I got the heeby geebies from one of the men sitting at the table. He turned out to be the defendant. No one explains to you the pressure and emotional stress that jurors go through when deciding the rest of someones life. At the end of each day I would come home and squeeze and kiss my kids. Then I would be so exhausted I would want to crash on my bed. I kept thinking how could sitting my butt in a chair all day doing nothing make me so pooped. I soon realized that emotional stress makes me more tired than hours of kickboxing. It was heartbreaking to hear this 15 year girl tell how her step dad started abusing her when she was 6. He would turn on Sponge Bob and Bob the Builder in her room in the morning and abuse her before school. Her mother, while not involved, was just as disappointing. It is very sobering to realize that these situations exist everywhere. It is not a wonder that our world is going to hell in a hand basket. This experience has opened my eyes and given me a different perspective. So many of the people who end up criminals or drug addicts, never had a good start to life. Their childhoods are horrific and unfathomable to most of us! The breakdown of the family is responsible for a majority of our societies woes. I didn't sleep very well the night before we had to decide on a verdict. The evidence was minimal and the witnesses contradicted each other. So it came down to, who do you believe. We were deciding the fate of two people. The defendant and the victim. I was very lucky to have amazing people to work with on the jury. Several of the women were in tears. After about 5 hours of deliberation we decided that he was guilty. Then we had to go into the court room to face the defendant, the victim, and all of their families. You know in cartoons when they show their heart jumping out of their chest. That is what I felt like. The court clerk read the verdict and the victim let out a big cry. She had been pretty unemotional throughout the trial. It was good to see the reaction. I was nervous about the reactions of his family. His son was waiting in the parking lot after and watching everyone leave. I was a little freaked for the next couple days, thinking that he was going to show up at my house. I would like to thank all those that helped with my boys! This experience will not soon be forgotten.